In Life, I’m a Regular

At this stage in my life, I’m a regular.

Not a small. Not a large. Not that kind of regular.

Not average, either.

I’m a regular like the kind of regular you are at your favorite restaurant or bar. I know the menu, but I’m always willing to take a look at the specials. I know exactly what I want, how much, and when.

I was at my favorite hangout recently when one of the hostesses told another, “Oh, she’s a regular.” I’m such a regular there that they seat me at the same coveted booth every time—the only table with a window view.

They have a specialty dish I love and can’t find anywhere else. Bonus: the place is only 100 steps from my front door. If I time my visits just right, I can sit and write for hours during their slow periods. It suits me.

I’m such a regular that I was taken by surprise when a new server asked me all the standard questions about appetizers, desserts, and the menu. I just smiled—no worries, I tipped him well—and told him I knew exactly what I wanted, placing my full order upfront. The rest of my visit went smoothly, and if I’d wanted dessert, I’d have flagged him down and asked for the menu.

It was easy, knowing exactly what I wanted and not spending my time—or his—on things that didn’t matter to me. I’m always happy when pleasant surprises come up, but I’m not wasting time on a wine list or pastas I can’t have. I know what I want—exactly what I want—though I’m still open to new things that may interest me.

Even if the world ended tomorrow, it’s worth planting them. Even if I died tomorrow, I’d still plant them. It’s what I love to do. It’s what makes life worth living, even in the face of the inevitable.— Old Maeve in Turn of Earth

More importantly, I know what I don’t want. That clarity lets me focus on the things that truly make me happy.

At this phase in my life, I know exactly what I want out of life. I know what makes me happy. I’m not searching for a new job or a better one, as I have in the past. I’m not looking for love or a new relationship, as I once did.

I’m not seeking anything that would divert my attention or energy toward things that make others happy at my own expense. It’s freeing to finally be in this position. It feels selfish to be here, but it was a long time coming. I can finally put my heart’s desires first instead of everyone else’s.

I’m content with life serving up what’s both filling and fulfilling. I’m also okay with saying “no, thank you” to tempting desserts that don’t resonate with me. No amount of guilt-tripping or peer pressure will change that.

Because when it comes to life, I’m now a regular.